Dr. Tony Alessandra Blog

How People Learn

Daniel Shlifer — Tue, 28 Dec 2011 19:26:00 GMT

Do People Learn In Different Ways

     Can you remember when you first learned how to drive a car? Before you learned how, you were in the Ignorance stage. You didn't know how to drive the car and you didn't even know why you didn't know how to drive it.

     When you first went out with an instructor to learn how to drive, you arrived at the Phase 2:Awareness. You still couldn't drive, but because of your new awareness of the automobile and its parts, you were consciously aware of why you couldn't drive. You may have felt overwhelmed by the tasks before you, but when these tasks were broken down one by one, they weren't so awesome after all. They became attainable. Step by step, familiarity replaced fear.

     With some additional practice and guidance, you were able to become competent in driving the car through recognition of what you had to do. However, you had to be consciously aware of what you were doing with all of the mechanical aspects of the car as well as with your body. You had to be consciously aware of turning on your blinker signals well before you executed a turn. You had to remember to monitor the traffic behind you in your rearview mirror. You kept both hands on the wheel and noted your car's position relative to the centerline road divider. You were consciously aware of all of these things as you competently drove.

      This third phase is the hardest stage - the one in which your people may want to give up. This is the Practice stage. People tend to feel uncomfortable when they goof, but this is an integral part of Phase 3. Human beings experience stress when they implement new behaviors, especially when they perform them imperfectly.

     In Phase 3, you must realize that you'll want to revert to the older, more comfortable behaviors, even if those behaviors are less productive. At this phase, you must realize it's alright to make mistakes. In fact, it's necessary so you can improve through practice, practice and more practice.

     Returning to the car example, think of the last time that you drove. Were you consciously aware of all of the actions that I just mentioned above? Of course not! Most of us, after driving awhile, progress to a level of Habitual Performance. This is the level where we can do something well and don't even have to think about the steps. They come "naturally" because they've been so well practiced that they've shifted to automatic pilot. This final stage, Phase 4, is when practice results in assimilation and habitual performance; where your productivity increases beyond its previous level and reaches a new and higher plateau.

     This four-phase model for success can help you break out of the rut most of us dig for ourselves. By experiencing success and encouragement at each level, change can be exciting instead of intimidating. The bottom line is this: skills and attitudes will both improve by taking one step at a time.

     What techniques have you used in phase 3 – practice - to cement your new learning into successful habits?

More Resources from Dr. Tony Alessandra

Does Your Competence Shine Through?

Daniel Shlifer — Tue, 07 Dec 2011 16:17:00 GMT

Do You Exude Competence?

     Competence means being knowledgeable and skillful in your field; but it also means possessing a problem-solving ability that goes beyond your own specialty. If you don't know the answer, or how to fix the problem, with strong competence, you know how to go about getting someone who does. Competence means having a can-do attitude and following through on it.

     Exhibiting competence in knowing what you're doing, or knowing how to get something done, is communicated to others in a variety of ways. There's the obvious level of actually being able to do what you say you can do.

     Your "nonverbals" - how you look, the sound of your voice - go a long way toward conveying competence. So does the style of behavior you choose - whether you come across as a very casual person, or as someone who's a professional and takes herself seriously. Notice I said "the style of behavior you choose," because you do have a choice.

     And that's my tip on competence: you can choose to behave in a way that exudes competence, or you can choose to undercut what skills you do have by looking and acting as if you're not sure of yourself.

     Your ability to gain influence with other people is dependent on how they see you - whether they judge you to be trustworthy, whether they think you really know what you're talking about, or whether you can manage the tasks you claim you can. You'll go a long way toward gaining that trust when you're able to impress them with your competence.

How do you express your competence to others?

More Resources from Dr. Tony Alessandra:

Effective Communication Skills-Do You Know How To Listen?

Daniel Shlifer — Thu, 04 Nov 2011 17:55:00 GMT

Effective Communication Skills-Common Sense Listening Tips

We all do it. We get excited about a topic, and forget to pay attention to those we are speaking with. Or we get so wrapped up in voicing our opinion we fail to listen for others. Remembering some simple rules will improve your communications, not to mention your relationship.

Let others tell their own stories first. By letting them speak first, you save time. When their interests are revealed you can tailor your discussion to their particular needs, goals, and objectives and can avoid useless, time wasting conversation.

It is impossible to listen and talk at the same time. Don’t rush to say your piece. Why not wait until the speaker's point is made? Then you will have your chance.

Listen for the main ideas. A good listener tries to guess the points the speaker will make. Then get feedback. If you guess correctly, your understanding is enhanced, and your attention is increased. If you are incorrect, you learn from your mistake.

Be sensitive to your emotional deaf spots. Deaf spots are words that make your mind wander off. Everyone is affected by certain words so it is important to discover your own individual stumbling blocks and analyze why these words have such a huge effect on you.

Fight off distractions. Train yourself to listen carefully despite external distractions. Through practice you can improve your power of concentration and block out external and internal distractions and attend totally to the speaker.

Don’t trust your memory if you hear data that may be important. Take brief notes because listening ability is impaired while you are writing. Write notes in words and phrases rather than complete thoughts. All you need is something to jog your memory later in the day, and then you can recall the complete content of the message.

React to the message, not the person. Don't allow your mental impression of the speaker influence your acceptance of his/her message.

Try to appreciate the emotion behind the words (vocal and visual) more than the literal meaning of the words.

Use feedback. Do not only hear what you want to hear. Check to see if the other person wants to comment or respond to what you have previously said.

Listen selectively. Critical messages may be hidden within a conversation. Listen to weed out “the garbage-in” so there is less “garbage-out” in the conversation.

Relax. When another person speaks, try to make him/her comfortable and relaxed. Give him/her a chance to speak his/her mind. You’ll get your turn.

Try not to be critical, either mentally or verbally, of the other person’s point of view. Keep those emotions in check. Allow the speaker time to finish his/her thought. You might find that what you were initially going to disagree with wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Listen attentively. Face the speaker, lean slightly forward. Establish gentle, intermittent eye contact.

Create a positive listening environment. Try to have that conversation in a place that is conducive to effective listening.

Ask questions. Ask openâ€‘ended questions to allow the speaker to express his feelings and thoughts.

Be motivated to listen. Try to keep in mind that there is no such thing as an uninteresting speaker, only disinterested listeners. The effort to listen is worth, you’ll see.

Additional Resources from Dr. Ton Alessandra:

Mentor Support-Finding the Right One for You!

Daniel Shlifer — Mon, 01 Nov 2011 16:41:00 GMT

Find a mentor who can be your role model and your friend!

A mentor is someone you admire and under whom you can study. Throughout history the mentor-protégé relationship has proven quite fruitful. Socrates was one of the early mentors. Plato and Aristotle studied under him and later emerged as great philosophers in their own right.

I was fortunate enough to have several mentors - each for a different purpose.

Dr. David Schwartz, author of The Magic of Thinking Big, was my doctoral dissertation chairman and was the impetus and the motivation to finish my PhD in Marketing and to enter the world of public speaking as a profession.
Bill Gove, the first president of the National Speakers Association, mentored me to speak from my own style - a NYC Italian - rather than a stiffer, more professorial style. The results were dramatic and my speaking career and success moved into hyper-speed.
Jim Cathcart, my close friend, confidant, and former business partner, taught me how to prepare for speeches and his unsurpassed business ethics served as my guiding light in my business dealings.
But, most of all, my main mentor was my mother - who taught me to always strive to be the best - to always be constantly improving myself and my abilities. My mother gave me the drive to succeed.

Some basic rules I’ve learned about mentors:

Be suspicious of any mentor who seeks to make you dependent on him/her. It is better to have him teach you how to fish than to have him catch the fish for you. That way you will remain in control.
The best mentors are successful people in your own field. Their behaviors are directly translatable to your life and will have more meaning to you.
Turn your mentors into role models by examining their positive traits. Write down their virtues, without identifying to whom they belong. When you are with these mentors, look for even more behaviors that reflect their success. Use these virtues as guidelines for achieving excellence in your field.

Don Hutson, CEO of U. S. Learning in Memphis, TN, offers these mentoring tips:

Select people to be your mentors who have the highest ethical standards and a genuine willingness to help others
Choose mentors who have and will share superb personal development habits with you and will encourage you to follow suit
Incorporate activities into your mentor relationship which will enable your mentor to introduce you to people of influence or helpfulness
Insist that your mentor be diligent about monitoring your progress with accountability functions
Each party – mentor and protégé – should commit to confidentiality, when appropriate, due to the closeness of the relationship
Encourage your mentor to make you an independent, competent, fully functioning, productive individual

Questions to ask. Acquiring good habits from others will accelerate you towards achieving your goals. Ask yourself these questions to get the most out of your role-model/mentors:

What would they do in my situation?
What do they do every day to encourage growth and to move closer to a goal?
How do they think in general? In specific situations?
Do they have other facets of life in balance? What effect does that have on their well-being?
How do their traits apply to me?
Which traits are worth working on first? Later?

Under the right circumstances mentors make excellent role models. The one-to-one setting is highly conducive to learning as well as to friendship. But the same cautions hold true here as for any role model. It is better to adapt their philosophies to your life than to adopt them.

Who have been the mentors & role models who have impacted your life?

More Resources from Dr. Tony Alessandra:

Customer Interaction: Do You Hear Me Now?

Daniel Shlifer — Tue, 26 Oct 2011 14:38:00 GMT

Telephone Communication: Can you hear me now?

With Cell phones fast out numbering the landlines we use, using them to our advantage may in reality be a disadvantage with our customer interaction objectives. Considering the different ways we use phones these days: to find your significant other when you’re separated in the mall, to keep tabs on the kids, chat with family and friends we may be losing the “formality” and therefore the manners we were taught when using the land line. Keeping a few tips in mind can help.

When answering the phone you use for business, immediately identify your company, department, and your name.

Call your customers by name. Not only will the customer be pleased, but by repeating the name you're more likely to remember it.
Know yourself and how you sound to others. Record your voice then critique your tone, manners, friendliness, and vocal quality.
Always use the hold button if you must temporarily leave the phone.
Reassure the customer every 20â€‘30 seconds that you haven't forgotten him/her when you’ve placed them on hold.
Know your customers. Know how they prefer to be treated. Then deal with them in their preferred mode.
Know your product or service. Your product mastery should shine through.
Keep a note pad and pen handy so you can quickly write messages or notes.
Plan your calls ahead. Try writing a summary of everything you need to know before making the call.
Let the customer hang up first.
Choose your words carefully. On the telephone, your words and vocal quality carry your message.

More Resources From Dr. Tony Alessandra:

Job Interview: The Hiring Process

Daniel Shlifer — Sat, 18 Sep 2011 18:12:00 GMT

Charisma: How it applies to the job interview & hiring process.

Charisma – Who needs it? You do!

We hear a lot, especially these days, when it comes to the qualities that are considered “must-haves” to be considered for a job interview or moving up the ladder from the job you have. Almost any job or job interview, be it a top executive at a Fortune 500 Corporation or a frontline employee at a fast food restaurant, touches on the importance of having charisma, at least to some degree. It is part of the hiring process.

The list seems endless, but let’s looks at just a few of those characteristics:

Integrity
Dedication
Magnanimity
Humility
Openness
Creativity
Fairness
Assertiveness
And of course, a sense of humor

I could go on and on, but you get the point.

What really makes that difference? On a job interview and in the workplace, why do some people stand out and others seem to fade into the background? What we are talking about is “CHARISMA”; that immediately recognizable quality that one senses, big time, when one meets someone who has it. But for many of us, it seems intimidating at times and, all too often, out of reach.

But fear not, everyone can raise their charisma quotient for the job or the job interview. You just need a few tips and understand how charisma plays a crucial role in the hiring process. Here are just five that anyone can work on to become more influential, yes – more charismatic and make the hiring process work in your favor!

Be aware of the Silent Messages you send. Do you look people in the eye? Do you have a firm hand shake? Do you listen intently, or do you try to “multi-task” while someone is talking to you? These all send messages you might not really intend to send.
How persuasive are you? More importantly, can you boil down even a complex idea to something everyone can understand? Now, that’s a skill worth practicing.
It’s simple, but can you articulate your message? If you can’t explain it, you’re sunk.
Can you adapt to the folks you are dealing with? Can you treat people the way they want and need to be treated?
What’s your vision? Everything else aside, you have to have something worth sharing that you’re passionate about. If you don’t have anything to say, being charismatic doesn’t really matter does it?

How about you? Do you boil down or boil over? We all know people who are masters at making a “mountain out of a mole hill”; these folks are not charismatic by my definition. How about you? Do you consider yourself charismatic? What qualities do you see in others who you feel are charismatic? What can you do to turn up your charisma for the job interview that shifts the hiring process in your favor?

Hiring Practices & Hiring Policies

Daniel Shlifer — Tue, 31 Aug 2011 17:42:00 GMT

How to understand employers hiring practices & hiring policies

Guess who’s getting hired these days?

Now, no one needs to tell you how rough it’s been in the job market the past few years. You already know that. We all know that. If you’re not unemployed yourself, count yourself lucky but chances are you know someone or several some ones who are. So who is getting a job?

We all have heard about the jobs being created and are painfully aware of those that are not. So in the midst of this recession, who do you think is getting hired? Here’s a hint: if you’re 55 or older you’re going to love this. You guessed it! It’s the 55 and older crowd, the Baby Boomers!

The Employee Benefit Research Institute released its report recently stating that increasing unemployment, current hiring practices and hiring policies has not kept the older worker out of the job market. In fact, the participation rate for professionals 55 years and older actually increased during much of this recession, until recently when it leveled off. Increased participation for older workers is seen for both men and women. As you might expect, work force participation for other age groups — especially youths — have lost ground since the beginning of the recession.

Despite the recent slump, the increase of the Baby Boomers in the job market is more than likely a long-term reality and a result of modified hiring practices and hiring policies. This same group represented only 29% of the workforce in 1993. It reached a high of over 40% in 2009 and that’s the highest it had been in over 37 years! Although it leveled off at this point, it’s held at 40% into 2011.

That’s good news for Boomers but, as you might have guessed, it’s not a cake walk for the 55 and older crowd. There are challenges, some big ones, but that’s the topic for another blog.

What have been your experiences with current hiring practices and hiring policies – personally or with friends and family?

More Resources:

Goal Setting Theory

Daniel Shlifer — Fri, 27 Aug 2011 15:11:00 GMT

Goal Setting Theory & Application

Once you know your mission and goals, that's the time to get down to doing it. Create and apply your goal setting theory. It's so in every field or endeavor.

Writers must sit down and write
Sales people must sell
Managers must manage
Painters must paint.

Too often, though, people are locked into habits that prevent them from moving ahead and applying your own goal setting theory. They re-live yesterdays, they invent excuses, they procrastinate, they doodle in the margins of life's tablet instead of seeking to write their signature boldly.

So don't give up on your dreams but, instead, pursue them with passion. Set goals for yourself - and achieve them. Expand your horizons. Develop a lingering hobby that you've always wanted to try. Don't let yourself get stuck in a rut - get out there and explore, just do it!

So how are you creating your future?

Download this free report to help you understand the power of the strategic goal setting process as it can best be applied to you & your organization. Click the image below for your free report and guidelines on goal setting and goal setting theory:

Workplace Conflict And Resolutions

Daniel Shlifer — Wed, 18 Aug 2011 16:28:00 GMT

Workplace Conflict And Resolution

Healthy Disagreements Make the World a Not-So-Boring Place & Serves A Purpose In The Process Of Workplace Conflict Resolution.

How do you differentiate a workplace conflict from a healthy disagreement? When does a healthy disagreement begin to spiral into a nasty conflict?

Workplace conflict and resolutions are a part of doing business and in the real world, are unavoidable. Many workplace conflicts begin simply because people will always naturally disagree on how, when, why, where, (etc., etc.) to do just about anything. However, when differences of opinion are accompanied by too much emotional commitment to one point versus another, the resulting conflict can be damaging.

Workplace conflicts offer many benefits if we can resolve them productively. Healthy disagreement can have a positive, generating effect. As people are forced to work through a problem to its solution, they get a chance to better understand the point of view of others. Successful resolution of small workplace conflicts can diffuse the possibility of more serious conflicts and result in better working relationships.

How do you successfully deal with disagreements or conflicts?

Personality Chemistry is the newest eBook from Dr. Tony Alessandra. This free, 13-page eReport will explain what chemistry is and how you can create chemistry with everyone to manage workplace conflict and resolution.

Self Confidence & Personal Potential

Daniel Shlifer — Fri, 13 Aug 2011 17:38:00 GMT

Self-confidence is the food that feeds our personal growth.

It is an indispensable part of achievement. Self-confidence stems from the self-awareness of our intrinsic worth as individuals. We are blessed with an incredible amount of potential, most of which is untapped.

Self-confidence works best when based on your own knowledge and self-respect, rather than on comparisons of yourself with others. A wise friend once said, "Don't compare yourself to other people because you will feel either pompous or bitter . . . and neither one is desirable." So our self-confidence has to exist in a vacuum, which it can. It feeds on the knowledge gained from discovering one's inner potential.

What do you do to “feed” your personal growth, individual achievements and, ultimately, your self-confidence?

More free resources from Dr. Tony Alessandra:

Presentation Skills: The Fear Of Public Speaking

Daniel Shlifer — Sat, 07 Aug 2011 16:22:00 GMT

Presentation Skills & Powerful Delivery

The number one fear of most adults (even above death) is speaking in public. Yet the ability to communicate to groups of people is a skill which can make a critical difference in our careers and in our ability to share information, ideas, experience,
and enthusiasms with others.

A study conducted by AT&T and Stanford University revealed that the top predictor of success and upward mobility, professionally, is
how much you enjoy public speaking and how effective you are at it.

Most of us have experienced more than our share of boring presentations. After what seems like hours, we still don't know what message we were supposed to get. Maybe the speaker put us to sleep with his monotone presentation or we couldn't read the small writing on the transparencies, which didn't seem to match up at all
with what the speaker was trying to say.

What have you done, or are currently doing, to improve your presentation skills?

Time Management Techniques

Daniel Shlifer — Mon, 02 Aug 2011 12:26:00 GMT

Time remains constant, but our perception of it changes. It's this perception that may be your most valuable time management technique.

Time is nature's greatest "force." Nothing can stop it, nothing can alter it. Unlike the wind, it cannot be felt. Unlike the sun, it cannot be seen. Yet, of all nature's forces, time has the most profound effect on us.

Time remains constant, but our perception of it changes. When we focus on it, it slows down. When we turn our backs on it, it speeds up. Our illusion makes us think it is something tangible. We arrange it, divide it up, and give some to our friends. Sometimes we feel it is precious, at other times we waste it. We give it the power to heal when we say, "Time heals all wounds." It can also kill, as when we live stressful lives because we "never have enough time." On a day-to-day basis, nothing is defined and redefined in our minds as much as time. It's a wonder, we can still recognize it!

Herein lies our power. Because things are as we perceive them, we can choose to see time as a manageable commodity and live our lives according to that assumption. This is one of the secrets of successful people â€‘ they work at shaping those things which others think are uncontrollable.

How do you successfully manage time?

Free Report On Personal Chemistry & Behavioral Styles

Is Your Life In Balance?

Daniel Shlifer — Thu, 29 Jul 2011 16:56:00 GMT

Most people aim at nothing in life. . .and hit it with amazing accuracy. Life Balance Can Be Learned!

For many years, people lived with the mistaken belief that their home life and their work could be totally separate. Many people gave their families and personal lives a back seat to their careers, chasing only the carrot of success while other facets of their lives suffered.

We all need to keep our lives in balance. It is important to realize and accept the fact that many needs must be fulfilled if we are to be well adjusted and happy.

Our basic needs fall into seven categories:

Mental: The functions of your mind - memory, concentration, learning, creativity, reasoning, mathematical ability, etc.
Physical: The many functions of your body - overall fitness, percent of body fat, skills and abilities, agility, endurance, etc.
Family: Your relationships with the special people you consider part of your family.
Social: Your relationships with others outside the family and outside your business.
Spiritual: Your relationship between you and your Creator; also defined as the philosophical and humanitarian areas of your life.
Career: Your involvement in your chosen field, both on and off the job
Financial: The management of your financial resources and obligations

In many ways we are like the fragile ecosystem of the environment in which we live. The different elements of our lives are interdependent. One need affects the others, especially when it is grossly neglected. For example, we all know that financial problems affect personal outlook, health, social life, and family life. It is for this reason that practitioners of holistic medicine examine all facets of a person's life when they search for the cause of a physical illness.

There is no escaping the fact that we are complex beings with complex needs. Our needs are dynamic rather than static - that is, they change. At one point in our lives the development of a career may require more time than our spiritual or family needs. At some other time, physical needs may be emphasized more than social or financial needs. Just because one need is more urgent than others does not mean that the others disappear. They, too, must receive at least a minimal amount of attention. Rarely can a need be completely neglected without unpleasant consequences.

So, what do you specifically do to bring your life into balance?

Other Resources:

Prevent Conflict

Daniel Shlifer — Mon, 24 May 2011 20:28:00 GMT

Improve Your Interpersonal Relationship Skills & Prevent Conflict

Making our interpersonal relationship skills stronger will translate to less conflict and easier conflict resolution.

One way to get stronger in this area is to realize we accomplish much more when we learn to focus on others.

There's an old story of a young lady who was taken to dinner one evening by William Gladstone, and the following evening by Benjamin Disraeli, both eminent British statesmen in the late nineteenth century. "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England," she said. "But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England."

Disraeli obviously had a knack for making the other person the center of his universe, if only for the evening. If you practice attentiveness to others, you'll find it does wonders for both of you. They'll enjoy it; you'll enjoy it. And together you'll accomplish much more.

Make a conscious effort to think of others' wants and needs in addition to your own. Start training your mind not to focus automatically on what separates you from the other person. Rather, figure out what unites you, and how you can build upon that base. Soon such empathy will become a habit - a very good habit that will improve all your relationships immeasurably!

What do you specifically do to connect with others? Read my free eBook and report to understand how personality chemistry can be recognized and used to create better interpersonal relationships.

3 Tips For Using HubSpot's Blogging Application

Blog Tipster — Fri, 30 Apr 2011 23:04:44 GMT

Tip 1: Embedding Video into Your Blog

To embed a video like the one above, you'll need to do the following:

Most video sites like YouTube have an "embed" source code that you can copy and paste. For YouTube, this code is listed just to the right of the video itself, under a person's username.
Open up the HTML Editor in HubSpot by clicking the "HTML" button in the toolbar. Then, paste in the source code at that point of the article you'd like the video to show up.
Save! This tip will work on the rest of the CMS as well, not just in the blog. Just click on "Add Module", and add an HTML module. You'll be able to paste in the source code directly, and the video will exist as a stand alone module on your site.

Tip 2: Automate Your Social Media Publishing

If you use the HubSpot blogging platform, then we'll be able to automatically publish your content for you. To set up Social Media Publishing, complete the following steps:

We need to add your social media credentials before we can automate your blog publishing to their feeds. Under the Promote tab, open up HubSpot's Social Media application.
Click the "Social Media Accounts" button. When prompted, add your credentials for the social media sites you'd like to publish to.
Once your credentials are entered, head back to your blog's homepage and click on the "Options" link (to the right of the "Create Article" link).Your blog options will appear.
Click on the Social Media Publishing tab. Under Social Media accounts, check off the boxes of the social media feeds you'd like your blog to publish to automatically. Remember to click "Update" at the bottom of the screen.
When publishing content to your networks, youâ€™ll need a line of explanatory text to let people know what theyâ€™re seeing. To write this line, write your slug in the "publishing slug" field, directly above the list of your social media acccounts. This is the text that will appear in Facebook and Twitter along with a link to the blog article. For example, you might write "Check out my new blog post!"

Tip 3: Text Formatting 101

You can edit the fonts of your website by going to Settings > Template Configuration in HubSpot, and then click on "Advanced Configuration". Throughout this list, you'll see places where you can change the font of your different headers.

One caveat to this, however: The fonts you can use on a website are dependent on the fonts that are available on a visitor's machine. If you try to name a font that the user does not have on their computer, it will default back to something standard (usually Arial or Helvetica).

Most machines are preinstalled with dozens of fonts, so the trick is knowing which fonts are likely to be installed on which computers. For a list of the fonts supported on most browsers, view this article on Success.